" I don't need clothes! I'm the greatest pop star on Earth! "
- Michael Jackson, before he was sentence to jail
" These clothes are what build me up as a rap star! I need them no matter what! "
- Snoop Dogg, before he became a hasbeen
" I, as the new president, will give you the choice of whether you want to wear clothes or not because not all of us agree with the cultures and beliefs of covering your body. I will give anti-clothes activists the right to do whatever they want to do."
- Barack Obama, on his speech about the belief of clothes
The belief of wearing clothes first appeared when Adam and Eve first realized they were naked. It only started to branch out even more, when settlers came to a land locally known as Clothesville. Adam H. Ramses first explored the new land with his sailing buddies while out on sea in 1531. He brought back treasures know as clothes to Europe. It soon spread to other continents and became very popular. The clothes that Ramses had brought back were described to be very advanced for their time. Ramses soon realized he can try and make clothes out of what he had in England. He and several of his best friends wrote a book on how to create clothes out of what England provided. Unfortunately, in 1567, Ramses and his friends died before it can even get published. It is said, a mass murder in England during the 1560s spread about and Ramses had been killed along with thousands of others. It wasn't until 1633, that Ramses' book was discovered by a former author known by the name of Colonel Washington. He decided to finish the book himself by studying more into this belief. Washington was soon marveled in what the people of his days could be wearing, instead of their primitive versions. It was finally published in 1635 with more than a thousand pages. In the book, it states that wearing clothes is considered a religion that all must follow. This caused war to break out and many soldiers had been brought together to kill Colonel Washington. Colonel Washington had started a global clothes factory. The men were sent to drop bombs onto the factory and stop the clothes from being produced. In 1667, the army had long been stopped. The belief of clothes reigned on.
The 1970s Clothes' Reign Are Preposterous Group (or the C.R.A.P. Group)
The C.R.A.P. Group was first started in 1971 by an anti-clothes activist by the name of Conan Leno. Conan wanted to stop the religion of clothes being forced upon people who didn't believe in it. His group lasted up until 1993, when he was arrested for mass murdering clothes and destroying large amounts of shops, like Forever 21 and Hollister. The C.R.A.P. members were also sentence to jail. In the courtroom, Conan stated that he had nothing to do with the group, but little did he know there was lie detectors. For this, he was sentence to death. He died in 2002 and was never seen again. It wasn't until more recently, Obama gave freedom to people who want to wear clothes and those who don't. In 2004, Conan O'Brien was accused of being Conan Leno until David Letterman called them out on it.
Murder of the Aboriginals
Aboriginals were killed in the thousands in 1877 because they did not wear clothes. Moses Crossheart ventured into South America to find out that the people there wore no clothes. For that, he sent thousands to kill them. A war broke out and soon Crossheart's army were victorious. The few survivors soon repopulated when Moses and his army left.
Clothes in the Dino Days?
Scientists have only recently gone into the study of early forms of clothes. A recent fossil find of a Stegosaur shows that some dinosaurs did in fact wear clothes. The mighty T-Rex wore clothes as well. Hundreds of species popped up that wore early clothes. Today, it is a very serious study.
Nudity or What?
From strapping a robe around your waist, to sticking a leaf on your genital area. Clothes have been very important. Recently, however, people have debated whether leaves were really clothes. Most say it's just their type of clothing. Archaelogists say it's nudity. The Greeks were soon put shame upon because their athletes wore no clothes. The fact that Greeks wanted to see every muscle move is now considered sinful too today's scholars and scientists. Clubs are even banned in some countries because of mass nudity, which disobeys the beliefs of clothing.
The Future of Clothes
No one knows what the future of clothing withholds for mankind, but some have suggestions on what it might be like. Zhou was a scholar in ancient China, who imagined what the future of clothes might hold in the year A.D. 3000 through his art and writings. In one of his poems he writes:
The future of covering
Brings joy like a lilypad
The flowers bloom
A frog's croak brings the glistening of our coverings
There is no stripping
There shall be no nudity
A world where all believe in the belief of covering
Silver cloth shines in the sun
But no one gives to my son
The poem is quite complicated, but if you take the time to study it, it reveals its true message.
Species of Clothes
There are different types of clothes. These being the most popular:
Shirts: This species is know for being worn on the top part of person's body. The species consists of different looks, like tanktops and turtlenecks.
Shorts: This species includes a wide range, like pants and swimming shorts. Shorts and boxers are very alike, but are two different species.
Underwear: The most disgusting of the group include bikinis, boxers, thongs.
Hats: Hats go on heads. There are no exact classifications in this species.
Gloves: These include mittens, too.
Shoes: This is the largest classified species. It includes slippers, high-heels, sneakers, and so on.
Glasses: Glasses are new types of clothing, but are not usually considered clothes.
Celebrities and Their Clothes
In 2006, Miley Cyrus invented the slutty-look, in which people are less conservative. This is not considered sinful to the religion of clothes. Brittany Spears wrote a song in 1999 about clothes entitled Need No Clothes, Yes I Do. Justin Bieber first presented his hoodie at a Music Rewards competition, which later branched out into a brand. In 2009, a new brand of Justin Bieber hoodies started to appear.
Clothes in Popular Culture
In 2003, a movie called The Misadventures of Danny's Pants concentrates on a boy named Danny and his magical pants. A 2-hour documentary chronicles the life and times of clothes. A movie called The Unstrip Club concentrates on an unstrip club, in which everybody wears clothes. A cartoon series in Germany centers on a chubby pair of pants.
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